Farmer's Tractor
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Perhaps Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will stage a benefit concert outside my barn to raise funds to replace the missing machinery.
Potential & Reality
A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."
Pretty Woman in West Virginia
What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?
A tourist.
Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors
1. Gangrene 2. New Car 3. Burn Victim 4. Dimetapp 5. Sand 6. Taxi 7. Grandma 8. WD-40 9. Substitute Teacher 10. Cigarette
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